Designing Connection: The Power of Rituals (Part 2)
Welcome back! In Part 1, we explored how rituals create connection and shared purpose. But even the best rituals need care to stay meaningful—and sometimes, they need a reset.
In this part, Adam and I will talk about how to handle outdated rituals, design them with intention, and navigate their role in digital and hybrid communities. If you’re looking to design rituals that stick, you’re in the right place.
Q: How can you tell when a ritual has stopped feeling authentic, and what should you do about it?
A: This happens a lot with rituals that have outlasted their lifespan or context. These are often traditions that have been carried on for so long that they no longer align with the values or principles of the community.
For instance, some companies have rituals like Friday evening get-togethers. Maybe it started when the company was a young, tight-knit group of people, and Friday evenings were a great time to bond and connect. But as the company grows and diversifies—hiring people with different lifestyles, perspectives, and commitments—it can become less inclusive.
The original group might now have kids, different schedules, or even different interests. Suddenly, the expectation to stay late on a Friday doesn’t fit anymore. For people who don’t drink or who need to be with their families, it feels like a forced obligation rather than a bonding opportunity.
Instead of fostering inclusion and connection, the ritual can become exclusive—leaving some people feeling left out or alienated from the community.
Q: So how should communities handle rituals that no longer fit?
A: The key is to revisit and reassess the purpose and context of the ritual. If the original goal was to foster networking and connection, but the current ritual no longer achieves that, it’s time to adapt.
You don’t have to abandon the values behind the ritual. Instead, find new ways to express those values that align with the current needs and makeup of the community. This way, the ritual can evolve and remain meaningful rather than becoming a point of tension or exclusion.
Q: Communities are living organisms, and their rituals also evolve and change. What’s your perspective on co-creating rituals with a community, especially considering your experience working with communities like Factory Berlin?
A: Yes, absolutely—rituals are living, just like the communities they belong to. They should develop and adapt over time based on the needs and makeup of the community.
At Factory Berlin, for example, there were members paying for the membership. The goal was to create a sense of belonging for those members, and a lot of the rituals we developed came out of that.
Take for example Circles who were designed to group members around specific interests—whether it was content writing, blockchain, design, or other areas. Team identified ambassadors within the community to facilitate these rituals, like meetups or presentations, and shine a light on the diversity within the community.
Q: Why is it crucial to be intentional with ritual design?
A: Rituals manifest the values and principles of a community. If they’re not consciously designed, they can end up misaligned with what the community stands for. This misalignment often leads to frustration.
For example, this is a common issue in workplaces. Work is, in many ways, a community, but a lot of people don’t feel like they belong there. Why? Because the rituals—like all-hands meetings, stand-ups, or retrospectives—often don’t connect people to the higher purpose or values of the organization.
When rituals are designed thoughtfully, they ensure that the way you live out your community—through its routines, traditions, and interactions—aligns with its core principles. This alignment is what fosters a real sense of belonging and satisfaction within the community.
Q: Do most companies consciously design their culture and rituals upfront, or do they address this later?
A: Honestly, I think most companies don’t consciously design their culture or rituals from the outset. That said, in almost every organization, there are individuals who organically start creating rituals to foster a sense of belonging. These are often informal things—like designers meeting for lunch, engineers having brainstorming sessions, or a group organizing weekend runs.
These small, grassroots efforts present a huge opportunity. If you empower and recognize these informal rituals, they can grow into something more formalized, appreciated, and impactful within the broader community.
Q: So, there’s potential to leverage these grassroots efforts even without high-level buy-in?
A: Absolutely. Even if senior management isn’t fully on board, there’s almost always someone in an organization thinking, “What can I do to feel like I belong more here?” or “How can I make others feel part of this community?”
These individuals are the ones to support. For example, you can give them ownership over initiatives they’ve started, amplify their efforts, or create spaces for them to share what they’ve done. Small acts like this build momentum, even if the initial investment from leadership is limited.
Q: How does designing rituals for online communities differ, especially given the shift to remote work post-COVID?
A: Designing rituals for online communities comes with unique challenges and opportunities. There’s a fantastic book by Corsád and Margaret on ritual design, including for remote and hybrid work. They offer examples of how rituals can work in these contexts.
Before the pandemic, some companies were already remote or hybrid, and they had time to develop effective rituals. These included things like casual lunch chats, celebrations, and other informal bonding activities. But when the pandemic forced everyone into remote work, many organizations scrambled to adapt.
Q: What are some effective online rituals you’ve seen or would recommend?
A: For online communities, it’s about consciously creating moments of connection and recognition. Some examples:
Public Recognition Channels: Celebrate fantastic work or new initiatives in visible spaces.
Creative Icebreakers: Dedicate the first 10 minutes of meetings to get-to-know-you questions.
Farewell Tours: When someone leaves, have them “visit” different teams to say goodbye and reflect on their time.
Onboarding Rituals: New members could join all active meetings for a week to get immersed in the culture.
Pitch Spaces for Initiatives: Create regular opportunities for people to pitch and receive support for new ideas.
It’s also vital to combine online rituals with in-person ones where possible. Even in hybrid models, face-to-face gatherings—whether sporadic or routine—can deepen relationships formed online.
Q: What’s key to successful remote or hybrid rituals?
A: Conscious design is critical. Rituals need a clear purpose and a tangible outcome for participants. Whether it’s emotional connection, learning, or simple fun, people need to see the value of participating.
For example, if a team ritual focuses on recognition, it should foster genuine appreciation. If it’s an onboarding process, it should make new members feel included and confident. Triggers like milestones, transitions, or celebrations are excellent opportunities to embed meaningful rituals that align with the community’s needs.
Q: Let’s finish with some easy questions. When did your interest in rituals start?
A: My interest in rituals really began because I was so frustrated with the work community—the community where I spent most of my time—being so disconnected. I found myself frustrated that the things we did didn’t bring us together. They didn’t celebrate each other, acknowledge each other, or give me any sense of return on investment.
I’d often join routines or events and just think, “There’s no point in me being here right now—this doesn’t help me connect with anyone or anything, not even myself.” That frustration is what pushed me to think about rituals.
I grew up very religious, and in that context, I experienced a really deep sense of community, belonging, and connection. If you’re interested in this, I’d highly recommend Atheism 2.0 by Alain de Botton from The School of Life. It’s a fantastic talk about how religion works through rituals—rituals that help you belong to a community.
Image: Adam’s illustration
That contrast—between the deep connection I felt in my religious community and the lack of it in my work community—really struck me. I realized that there were lessons my work community could learn from the rituals in religious communities.
When I started building my own communities, I had the freedom and control to focus on what we were doing, how we were doing it, and why. And that’s where my passion for rituals really began.
Q: Wonderful. Thank you for sharing. What final advice would you give to community builders who want to introduce rituals but don’t know where to start? Or maybe they’re noticing rituals already emerging and want a framework to guide that process?
A: Great question. One thing we did at Zalando was a ritual reset. We ran surveys connected to employee satisfaction to understand what was working and what wasn’t. This was a big investment, so it required buy-in from management, HR, and operations teams.
Design Clubs Zalando (Source: Adam B. Cochrane)
If you’re in a different context—maybe a community outside of work—you can start by reflecting on your values and purpose. What are your community’s values? What’s its purpose? And how do your existing rituals—or new ones—connect to those?
If you’re just starting out, my advice is to start small. Find a few people who would appreciate the ritual and set a clear routine. Define the process:
What kicks off the ritual?
What steps follow?
How does it conclude?
This gives people clarity and makes participation easier. Let it run for a while to build momentum—consistency is key. Then, after several iterations, test its “stickiness.” One way to do this is to pause the ritual for a while and see if people ask, “Hey, why did we stop doing this? I really liked it.” If people miss it, that’s a sign you’ve created something meaningful.
Q: That’s great advice. But I guess, at the beginning, you need to give it some time before testing whether it sticks, right?
A: Exactly. People need consistency. At first, they might not show up, or it might not seem like it’s gaining traction. But once they see that it’s legitimate, that it’s happening regularly—weekly or on some other consistent schedule—it gains momentum. To make it a ritual, you need repetition. Do it multiple times, build a rhythm, and then evaluate. Once people recognize it as a regular part of the community, that’s when you can see whether it’s truly resonating.
Reading Recommendations on Rituals and Community-Building:
Atheism 2.0 by Alain de Botton
Explore how religious practices and rituals can inspire meaningful community experiences in secular contexts.
Rituals for Work: 50 Ways to Create Engagement, Shared Purpose, and a Culture that Can Adapt to Change by Kursat Ozenc and Margaret Hagan
A practical guide to designing rituals for modern workplaces.
The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters by Priya Parker
Discover the secrets to creating meaningful and transformative gatherings, from personal events to professional settings.
Rituals Roadmap: The Human Way to Transform Everyday Routines into Workplace Magic by Erica Keswin
A deep dive into how rituals can enhance workplace culture, performance, and connection.
Turning People into Teams: Rituals and Routines that Redesign How We Work by David Sherwin and Mary Sherwin
Practical insights into leveraging rituals to improve teamwork and collaboration.
